Tuesday 14 February 2012

Southern Exposure

The following events are true. The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.

Cyclists travel in packs and, as such, form a bond. Comrades at play, we protect one another from the perils of the road. We huff, we puff, we spit (well the guys do), we swear, we sweat, and at mid-ride, we share laughs over coffee and pastry.

As the bond grows so does the need to protect. One day on one of our long rides, “Kirk” rolls up along side me and the small talk commences. 

“How are the kids?” “How is work?” Blah, blah, blah, pretty standard stuff.

Then, out of nowhere: “Carmen, I need to talk to you about something.”  “Ok,” I said, “what’s up?”  “Well…” long pause, “you need to tell ”Sonya”… long pause… “that her cycling shorts are see-through”.

OMG. My heart skips a beat. Poor Sonya! I need to tell her now! Wait a minute… I’m wearing the same cycling shorts!!!

“WHAT?!” I say, “No they aren’t”. “Oh yeah,” Kirk nods insistently. “It’s not apparent all the time. It depends on the direction we are going, and if the sun is out. You know, Southern exposure. Ha ha ha,” Kirks attempts to lighten the mood.

Holy crap, you have got to be freaking kidding me! I have been wearing the same shorts all summer. Months and months and nobody has said a word. Is Kirk telling me instead of going direct to Sonya so that he can kill two birds with one stone? Have all the guys been discussing this? Did Kirk draw the short straw? How embarrassing.

Ya, I guess it could be worse!
 Cycling shorts are revealing enough, but this is getting ridiculous. So I head up to Sonya to deliver the message. “No they’re not,” she insists in full denial. “No way,” and off she rides. I admire her conviction, but I’m not taking any chances.  Those cycling short will never see the light of day again.  I will wear them inside, on the computrainer, where the sun don’t shine.


  1. I say show your stuff........ Cycling shorts hold very little secrets..... What's one more vantage of visual really?

  2. I love your blog so much. I look forward to reading it every morning at work while I eat my toast with peanut butter and honey. Being able to laugh at yourself during those embarrassing (and I mean bare ass) moments not only demonstrates your keen sense of humour but your deep insight and understanding of all thing human; whether it be good, bad or frighteningly ugly :)
    P.S. I think you should wear your cycle shorts with panties embossed with giant hearts.

  3. I think if they are going to look the least they can do is tip you. Gotta fund the Ironman adventures somehow!! And this will be another income source! :)